Math Jokes
Before going to their morning classes, three professors stop to have breakfast together at a cafe: a biology professor, a physics professor, and a math professor. While they are waiting for their orders, they look out the window at the house across the street and see two people enter the home. A few minutes later, as they are drinking their coffee, they observe three people leaving the same home. The three professors try to explain this phenomenon.
"Well," said the biology professor, "only two people entered that house, but three came out. Clearly the first two people have procreated."
"No," responded the physics professor, "there must be a better explanation. It is possible that the third person emerged from a wormhole, but more likely that we simply made an error while collecting the data."
The biology and and physics professors look to the math professor, eager to hear his explanation. Oblivious to the glances from his colleagues, he continues to stare at the house across the street. Finally, the math professor states, "If one more person goes into that house, it will be empty."
"Well," said the biology professor, "only two people entered that house, but three came out. Clearly the first two people have procreated."
"No," responded the physics professor, "there must be a better explanation. It is possible that the third person emerged from a wormhole, but more likely that we simply made an error while collecting the data."
The biology and and physics professors look to the math professor, eager to hear his explanation. Oblivious to the glances from his colleagues, he continues to stare at the house across the street. Finally, the math professor states, "If one more person goes into that house, it will be empty."
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?
You can't cross the mountain climber, it's a scalar!
You can't cross the mountain climber, it's a scalar!
Three statisticians decide to go hunting one day. As they are hiding in a bush on the edge of a lake, they notice a duck floating nearby. They decide that a roast duck dinner sounds palatable, but as they take aim, their rustling startles the duck and it flies away. Without a clear shot, the three hunters have no choice but to try and shoot the duck out of the sky as it takes off. The first statistician fires a bullet that narrowly misses the duck, going one foot to the left of its intended target. The second statistician fires a shot that also goes wide of its mark, this one off by a foot to the right. The third statistician shouts, "Yes! We got him!"
An infinite number of mathematicians walks into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The bartender looks to the second mathematician, who orders half a beer, then to the third, who orders a quarter. The fourth mathematician comes up and asks for an eighth of a beer, and the fifth asks for one sixteenth. The bartender finally looks down the line of mathematicians with a disgruntled look on his face. "You guys are a bunch of idiots," the bartender says, and pours out two beers.
The best pick-up line of all time: I wish I were your first derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.